I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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