Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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