You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
