I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
