if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
