This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
