kristin has been a bad kristin
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
