I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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