Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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