the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
