I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
