I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
