they need to just BURY HIM!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
