Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
