So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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