I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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