Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
