In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I skipped work to stalk him.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He did a backflip because drugs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
