i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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