What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
