I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
