Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
