Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
