you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
