my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
