at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
