His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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