Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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