He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
