Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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