i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
