We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize