Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
