If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
