she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
