a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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