: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
