I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We left the knife in your bed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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