Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's never too late to be topless.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Enjoy the penises
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
