I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
