My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
