I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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