If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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