Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
