He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
