i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
