Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
