i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
