Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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