the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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