thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am spending my child support on dildos
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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