i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
