I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
