so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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